Okay, so the family of roving trailer park Gypsies has returned, and they dug out their land barge and moved it to another spot. No wait, to two more spots. Seriously, what is this dumbassery? I can't even fathom what inspires their actions and why they need to two places to park the SS Econovan. Really, I know it's a massive land vessel, but it really will fit in-between the yellow lines. I am out of hateful ideas.

I've asked that they move it, and "oh, we will" means that they're too busy arranging the trash and dog shee in the yard to better fit their Jackson Pollack ideal of garbage feng shui to pull the keys out of their hillbilly overalls to move their largest piece of trash to its rightful docking station, otherwise known as a "parking space." What a concept, a space in which to put a vehicle so that complete entropy of parked cars doesn't ensue. Following accepted social norms and values so your neighbors don't absolutely loathe you wish for the abrupt termination of your government welfare check so that you'd have to get a job (or sue McDonald's because they didn't make a coffee cup for illiterate degenerates and you happened to receive slight burns when you spilled it on yourself because you were driving, talking on the cell phone, and head banging to AM radio all at once) and live in a different house (ie see trailer park) far, far away where such norms are accepted and surprisingly valued. And the Carnival Cruisliner of a van hasn't moved in a week...

I'm buying a "Go Away" doormat and putting it in the middle of the sidewalk. Aw screw it, they'll think I'm telling that to myself. I'll save some money and use a method they might comprehend: sidewalk chalk, spray paint, and the child protection agency... if only that would help...

Avery and Lexah, like most siblings, do tend to get a bit grouchy with each other once in a while. Today, Lexah wasn't all too pleased to have Aves try and steal her toy, so she lit into him. Sadly, I missed the majority of the fight, but I caught the tail-end which was still pretty funny. I was, however, part of the wounded in action, as Aves got a little over zealous and nipped my arm. For this he'll pay, he's getting a bath muy pronto.
In the second video, they have a standoff, Lexah had the toy first and wasn't about to give it up... this seriously lasted 5 minutes, notice the sweet punch Aves throws in the first seconds of the video... Alas, Aves is the bigger pansy of the two and gives up eventually. I need to find them some fun things to do, how sad is it that they are so starved for something to do that they fight over a plastic toy for 5 minutes?

Labels: Avery, dog spat, Lexah, playful minpins

I cannot figure out why my neighbors insist on trying to turn our nice town home neighborhood into a run-down trailer court. Not that I have anything against trailer houses, but they have their community, and there is a caste system or hierarchy to where you place your type of abode and how you treat your neighborhood. I would live in a trailer house and not think twice, but I wouldn't put my trailer house in the middle of a group of Mediterranean homes, as it OBVIOUSLY wouldn't fit in.

First of all, you don't put your stupid, garbage looking satellite dish on a tripod on my property. Yes, it's on a tripod. Seriously, WTF? Don't put it behind your stupid townhouse, don't put it up on the roof in the back, put it right out on the side so everyone can see it and think that I'm the idiot that put a dish on a TRIPOD. The lawn crew came mow the grass and Jorge the lawnmower asked me who the stupid moron was that put a dish on a tripod right in the middle of the lawn. Jorge doesn't even know English, he didn't have to. He looked at the tripod, he looked at me, he shook his head. Dammit Jorge, it wasn't me, it was my flamer neighbors!

Second, your garbage and garbage bags go in a dumpster, which is 100 feet from your trailer-townhouse. Not out front on your porch for weeks on end. "Hi everyone, welcome to my house, notice how we've decorated our porch with literal trash? It's lovely." Oh, and your stupid dog that craps all over my lawn isn't my dog and I will punt your dog in front of your face the next time I see it. I'm gonna go all NFL on your dog and try to kick that ugly rat-mop-skeletor looking thing into the upper stratosphere or into Jerry Jones' megatron. And my cat has nightmares of your kids screaming in her face, pulling her tail, and poking her with sticks. My cat hates me because of you, my cat hates living because of you. I swear I saw her try and drown herself in her own water bowl when I tried to put her outside last week. You filthy cat suicide inducers.

What finally does it for me though: you parked your stupid hobo van on 2 spaces in the parking lot, and decided that you were going to leave it there while you left on vacation. I don't know why you didn't take your vagrant van and sleep in the RV looking behemoth with your crap-filled goat-faced dog and anti-social borderline personality devil children. But you didn't, you left it in MY parking space, and for that you will now pay. I hope it snows 4 feet daily. I hope Hell freezes over, cuz I'm there right now. And when you get that blimp out, I'm taking that snow and burying that dish, which is on MY property, on a TRIPOD. And after you realize you can't watch Oprah or whatever it is that you gutter dwellers watch and dig out your frickin tripod, I'm going to bury your front door and pray it confuses you and your family enough that you'll decide to hibernate for the winter. And when the snow melts, I'm selling my house to some poor sucker and giving you the bird on the way out. With both hands. I've tried to be nice and ignore it all, but alas, no more. Thank you for bringing the trailer trash style to my neighborhood and inflicting/forcing it on me, you freaking filthy, hobo mongers.


Notice the tripod behind the car mirror. Freaking lushes. Seriously, who does that? Filthy trailer-dwelling inconsiderate hobos. That's who.