I'm so sick of the frickin' Snuggie. I turn on ESPN to watch some football or college hoops and I'm inevitably assaulted by the normal run of commercials every four minutes, which has grown to be fairly standard for sports viewing. Then I see the ad for the Snuggie come on the TV and I think, "that looks kinda nice" and I go about my normal TV viewing habits of ignoring the commercials while I check my fantasy football teams. Well, during one game of college basketball, Duke vs. Ucon, I was maliciously eye-raped by the Snuggie commercial at least 500 times. I would file a complaint with the police department, but the sheer nastiness of the violation to my eyes is far too embarrassing to speak of out loud with another person. How could I bring this to the light of the police as it would destroy what was left of my dignity to an irreparable state. This brings me to my critique of the commercial itself...

Who on God's green earth still raises the roof? It's 2009, I'm willing to venture that "raising the roof" has been dead for over a decade, but yet the reetaahds in this commercials still find it valid to do. I seriously think I would punch someone in the face if they did that in front of me, as this furthers the racist stereotype that white people cant dance and have no rhythm and generally look like stiff smiling morons from Pleasantville. Who all happen to own a blind poodle that wears glasses and a Snuggie.

"Hey guys, it's 88 degrees outside, I'm going to wear a frickin snuggie to the game and raise the roof to show my support. Doesn't that sound swell?!" No, no it doesn't. Shut up. I hate you. I will start your frickin' Snuggie on fire so you would have a reason to raise the roof, as it would then be on proverbial and literal fire. As quoted from the Bloodhound Gang, "We don't need no water let the .... burn." That's right, burn the frickin' Snuggies down.

Now, I used to think a Snuggie would be a nice thing to have in the house, I even have sold some Snuggies to some nice little old ladies at the pharmacy... And I hope they still enjoy it and have not been eye-defiled by these execrable commercials. To be maliciously bombarded by this inane commercial and endorsement of idiocracy is ludicrous and it should be criminally prosecuted as a felony. Seriously, what did the CEO's of Snuggie Inc decide to do with their profits?

CEO #1- "Hey guys, I'm tired of rolling around in this giant mountain of hundred dollar bills, maybe we should put it to work." (hikes up pants past belly button, two inches above socks also)
CEO #2- "You know what? I hate sports. I was a nerd in high school and have a vendetta against anyone that enjoys any sport of any sort. We should find a way to make them pay for having a life and for making fun of my pocket protector." (pushes his taped glasses back up his pointy nose)
CEO #3- "Lets make a commercial of how we party in our snuggies, with actors of course, and subject the people of normalcy to being eye-raped repeatedly by our painfully stupid ads on ESPN. Let's put it on every frickin' commercial break that ESPN has." (tries to pat down three inch cowlick on back of head)
CEO #1- "This will take all our profits, and I like it! What better way to spend money than destroying the TV viewing of normal human beings. We're all a-holes, so that's what we're going to do!" (uses inhaler)

To the corporation of the heinous Snuggie, I couldn't think of a death that would be suitable for having to watch your Snuggie smut. I have had to resort to watching FSN and for that there is nothing I can think of but justifiable violence, and that is what I wish upon you.