Melissa and Hayden

It's Been A While

2011-10-31T23:26:00.007-06:00

So it's been some time since I've had the time, or quite frankly, the desire to sit and write what's been happening... We're pretty boring, just school and work pretty much 24-7. I don't feel like giving the whole year long recap, so I won't. I'll start up today and work my way backward, and forward as time goes on.

So today, just another fun day. School in the AM, work in the PM. I got out of the pharmacy tonight and found my car was blessed with a flat that I was more than enthusiastic to change. Seriously, why isn't there a sarcasm font yet? Anyway, I was in the best mood and I got a call from Rocky Mountain Power about a fridge that I had them recycle. It went a little something like this:

Surveyor Stacy: Hi, I'm with Rocky Mountain, blah blah blah, can I ask you questions about the service we provided in recycling your fridge?
Me: Sure.

Stacy: How did you find out about our service?
Me: My mom told me.

Stacy: What do you think would be a good way for us to advertise this service?
Me: An airplane with a streamer that would fly over my house so I could see it when I left the house in the morning.

Stacy: Uh, ok, let me type that in. Next question, if you hadn't recycled your fridge with us, what would you have done with it?
Me: I'd have put it out in the field and shot it.

Stacy: Ok, you would have put it in a field?
Me: Yeah, I'd have put some racoons in it and shot it a bunch of times to see what would happen.

Stacy: Just a second, I have to type that in as it wasn't one of our standard answers. Was this a fridge or a freezer?
Me: I believe it could do both.

Stacy: Was this your primary fridge?
Me: Yes.

Stacy: Where was it kept in the household?
Me: In the garage.

Stacy: Would you say you live in a residential home, condominium, trailer, or apartment?
Me: Trailer.

Stacy: How old is your residence?
Me: 120 years old.

Stacy: Do you rent or own?
Me: Rent.

Stacy: Is the total income of your household over $50,000?
Me: No, I live in a trailer.

Stacy: How do you heat your home in the winter and cool it in the summer?
Me: In the winter we let all the animals in the house, and in the summer we open the windows and doors.

Stacy: What is the primary source of heat for your house?
Me: The sun.

Stacy: How old is the primary source of heat for your home? (little giggle from her)
Me: I honestly don't know.

Stacy: How many residents live in your home?
Me: Four.

Stacy: How many pets does your household have?
Me: Eighty-one.

There were a bunch of questions, I hit some of the highlights and I know I forgot some of the highlights as well. She asked if I would mind if a supervisor wanted to call and verify the survey, to which I politely agreed. I kept a straight face, answered quickly, and almost lost it when she asked how old my primary source of heat was... but I was a rock.
Here's our awesome house in reality. It's quite the elaborate 120 year old trailer.
And here are a few highlights and such of the past little while:

I've gotten into painting Xbox covers, faceplates, controllers, and just painting in general.

To the left is Clearance... found him hit on the road, feral as feral can be. He's now attached to Melissa and a shining example to mentally handicapped cats everywhere.

My Dad and I on one of the greatest days of the year, FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT! Is there really anything greater than fantasy football, I ask you...

Here's Lexah in her normal sleeping pose. It's a good thing she doesn't have bottom teeth or she'd bite her tongue. Alright then, -insert generic closing remark, something funny, sarcastic, deep and thoughtful, or witty-

My Fail Submission

2010-11-19T23:43:00.002-07:00

I have submitted a 'Fail' picture to the Fail blog and Demotivational websites, I happened across this when I was going to Honk's with Carly a couple of years ago... for the novices, Honk's was a dollar store in Rexburg until it went out of business. Sadly, on that fateful day, they must have sold out of ho's, as I was spurned and sent away ho-less. Enjoy.

Playing Catch-Up

2010-11-07T18:30:00.012-07:00

Where to start... So I went with our friend Carol to Minnesota so I could go to my first NFL game in person, to watch the Minnesota Farves vs. the Dallas Cowgirls. It was AWESOME! First of all, we drove in Carol's Challenger SRT8, unbelievably cool, and also very scary... It's such a cool car, it scared me to drive it in fear that some random deer would dart out in front of me, just to spite me. Yes, deer are devious and cunning like that, and also suicidal in nature. I was fortunate though, and all the deer I saw were either previously demolished or snarfing on weeds two feet off the highway, planning their Al-Qaeda secret terrorist attacks on unsuspecting Americans drivers. If you've seen the Challenger commercials on TV you know that the Challenger is just too American and patriotic for those filthy terroristic deer to mess with.

We hit up Mt. Rushmore, which was impressive. After taking the scenic route through deserted hillbilly country and wild turkeys, we got there in time for me to annoy a worker with questions about Mt. Rushmore... I should have realized the people that work there don't want to answer my questions, they want me to go on the kid's tour so they don't have to answer my questions. Seriously, this lady was all put out I was asking her about the back of the mountain and if they were ever going to add to it. You'd have thought I told her I wanted to rape her cat, although, it was South Dakota, so some hillbilly probably beat me to it. Geez. In all honesty though, Rushmore was impressive, it blows my mind that the artists were able to envision and carry out such an enormous undertaking.

The game was awesome! I've never seen so many people congregated in one place screaming, fighting, and drinking. It was more fun that I could have imagined, and even better, the Farves won by three! Who would have ever guessed the Cowgirls would have become a junior college elite team this year? It was great to see a hall of famer like Farve, and also see Randy Moss, who is also impressive. (When he feels like being impressive anyway.) Oh, and on the way out, the dome is pressurized, so it pretty well blows you on your face if you're not ready for it. I would like to put a sheet behind me like a kite and jump out, that would be sweet, seriously, they should rent sheets and charge people to do that. I would have done it 40 times! And I would pay to watch the drunk people try it as well.

Melissa had to work and do school work, so I'm grateful she allowed me to go without her, one of these days we'll have to go together to Phantom of the Opera or something artsy that she wants to attend. As long as it's not freaking Cats or something uber stupid like that. If I ever had to go to Cats, I would take a giant step back and punch myself in the face as hard as I could. Then I would stand back up, step back again, and punch myself in the face as hard as I could, AGAIN.

Lately, she's been engrossed in school and work, and I've been working, getting ready for Rigby's basketball season, and entertaining school. Oh, and I'm completely engaged in Fanasty Football, if I could talk about fantasy football and study fantasy football all year long I think I'd die of happiness. Whoever invented fantasy football needs a freaking medal, and a parade. Anyway, Melissa applied to the Education Program, interviewed, and took the Praxis, I'm sure she'll get in and do a great job. I think it's harder to get into the Ed program than it is to do the pre-requisites for the health related fields, and only for a promise of fractions of the pay, it's masochistic. As for me, I'm excited for our season coming up, I'll be coaching the JV and they're great kids. It's going to be a fun year. And since I'm supposed to be the example, I'm cutting my hair tomorrow, much to the chagrin of Melissa, Tom Brady, and some little girl named Justin Beiber. I've been sick the past two days, and today it about kills me to speak, so I've been unusually silent. Melissa seems to really enjoy this as she can say whatever she wants and all I can do is just shake my head... However, I will have my vengence at a later date.

Cone of SHAME!!

Musings and Events of July

2010-07-31T22:24:00.004-06:00

I really didn't feel all that creative on posting a title, in fact, I just don't feel creative in my writing as of this day. So I will contribute enough to suffice, as I use these as a reminder to myself of what I was doing at the said time.

Samuel and I went to a 311/Offspring concert in SLC, we were on the front row in the pit for 311, it was amazing. It helped to have a 6'9, 300lb dude standing next to us that no one else felt like messing with, and left us alone in collusion with said behemoth. The Offspring were cool to watch, they looked like they left their job at the car wash to come and perform a concert, but appearance aside, they put on a great show and made me remember how freaking cool they are.

Lexah had some minor surgery to cut out a cystic growth on her leg, she's a tough little girl. I'm sure Avery would cry for weeks on end if something like that happened to him, but they balance each other out nicely, as he's sensitive and soft, she's tough and strong.

This is our one-eyed cat, Buford "MadCat" Tannon. I made a picture caption to portray the significance of what Biff (aka Buford) was thinking.

Other than that, things have been relatively boring for our little family, which is good. I work, Melissa works, and the dogs run around like idiots. Boring is good. I found a quote I really like from one of my favorite bands, Sparta...

"More than lights expose who you are." - Jim Ward

Lots of Stuff, Cramp Session

2010-06-20T22:07:00.005-06:00

Samuel graduated at the end of May sometime, all the days seem to be the same to me so I'm not exactly sure what day it was. Now he is on to TVCC to run track and cross-country and the college life. I find it fairly annoying to look at that picture now, as it looks like I have a girl/parrot attached to my shoulder.

When Samuel and my Dad were in Ontario, Oregon looking for a place for Samuel to live, they came across the apparent cousin the redneck in Rigby (see earlier post). I'm still not up to speed on how one would come to the conclusion that an 80's Pontiac stationwagon would look better and tougher placed on a monster truck chassy.

"Well honey, I'm going to take the kids to school."
"Okay, just take the Pontiac 6000 in case you run into some dirt ramps and broken down cars on the way. We want to make sure they get there safe!"

I went to a basketball tournament this past weekend in Boise, and I coached Rigby's JV team over the span of 3 days and seven games. I was fairly proud of the kids and their effort, but in our game against Borah, things were not going well. We couldn't stop them, we couldn't score, and the refs wouldn't give us a call. I calmly asked one of the officials why he didn't call a charge in our favor, and he played dumb and said he didn't know what I was talking about, to which I replied, "seriously?" And I left it at that.

We ended up being down 38-10 at the half, and thoroughly embarrassed. Rather than yelling at the kids, I told them I was disappointed and tried to pull out my best Hoosier's type speech and tried to build them up to get things going. Feeling pretty good about my half-time speech, I sat down as the ref walked up to me and said, "Great half coach, your kids played a great game and you coached a great half." Very sarcastically.

Now, I don't think I've ever been so mad that I was at a loss for words, but I was then. Now I wished I'd have asked him how a goat-raping self-righteous mentally handicapped reject such as himself got a job officiating a game he'd obviously never played or watched before in his life. Instead, I just told him that I was going to run him over in the parking lot. Weak, I know, but it was the best I could come up with my choice of vocabulary being limited by the example I was supposed to be to my team, and the fire coming out of my ears.

We made a nice little run and the kids played a better half, we still lost, but they felt good about their second half performance against a great Borah JV team. And seriously, if I see that ref ever again in my life, I won't say anything to him. I'll just break his nose.

On a happier note, here is the salamander that lives in my yard and scared the sprinkler guy that came to turn on the sprinklers for the year.

And Avery and Lexah are happy and well, so here's a couple of pics on how they ride in the car... Avery asleep in the back window, and Lexah being held in the car only by her leash:

Tempered Evolved-Duke Thoughts...

2010-04-20T20:13:00.002-06:00

Okay, I'm sitting in Organic Evolution right now with my professor giving a presentation on Bigfoot, and it just so happens that he is the most credible "expert" in the world on the subject. (Dr. Jeff Meldrum) We're watching the Patterson-Gimlin film and he's going over it, it's very interesting, and he's not trying to persuade anyone that he's correct in his beliefs, he's tying it in to Evolution and whatnot. I have to say, he is probably the most intelligent Biology teacher I've had in all my schooling, and this will be the first day I actually kind of listen to what he's saying, as he is now speaking down to my level.

Anyway, coming back to my Duke post... I realize that I am wrong to despise Duke more than other programs of the same nature. If you're a coach in college basketball, you're goal is to win the national championship, and that's what Coach K did. He changed his program to fit what would be the best way to win the championship, so he evolved with what college basketball has turned into. He still has class off the court, I have nothing against Coach K except his incessant whining at officials. So congrats to Duke and Coach K, you have done what it takes to be successful in your genre.

My gripe is with the college game in general. It has turned into the AAU league of colleges, where the individual is greater than the game and the team. But I'm not surprised, as the goal for college basketball players is to play at the next level, whether it be the NBA or some professional league.

I'm done for now, I will go back to listening to Dr. Meldrum, as it's a more in-depth version of the special I saw on the Nat-Geo Channel that I watched in the days when I had cable television. I must be de-evolving, soon I'll give up electricity in general and use a steam powered cell-phone.

All that is random:

2010-04-13T16:56:00.006-06:00

I was trying to get a picture of Buford's eye now that the stitches have been pulled and it's healed up nicely, but to no avail. Seriously, if you've never tried to take a picture of a cat then you won't understand the extreme difficulty of getting the dirty SOB to look in the direction of the camera so you can take a nice photo instead of some jittery, unfocused, and part of the cat you'd rather not see. I gave up. There's his eye-hole, and that's the best pic I got as I don't have the patience to take 1000 pictures to maybe get one that I think is decent. So yes, he's stupid looking.

Coming back to an older post that I had published on the abomination known as the "snuggie," I saw the pet ones on sale for 3 bucks and caved in and bought a couple so I could put them on my dogs and mock them insessantly, as I have no life and just do mean things to entertain myself.

Lexah isn't smart enought to know that she's being humiliated and thinks she's styling in her new pink robe of shame. However, Avery, with some semblance of intelligence, knows to be ashamed and knows to feel like an idiot, so he does. See the embarrassment eminate from Aves like a fountain of unkempt Snugginess.

I feel that I got six dollars worth of entertainment from my purchase, and Lexah actually likes wearing hers to keep her warm. Who knew? Raise the roof, Lexah, you dirty little orange traitor.

I applied for a concealed weapons license, and they actually give you a license like the driver's permit, so I've been growing out my beard for like 6 weeks. I got the phone call today to go in and get my picture taken, so I took off my glasses, and ruffed up my hair, but the lady taking the picture gave me a really dirty look so I put my hair back to normal, but I'm still proud of my mountain-man-esque NRA-looking license. Partake of another part of my strange entertainment (via camera phone, hence the poor quality):

Yeah, I'm fixin on putting out some traps to see if I can't get a few good pelts to exchange at the trading post. I was gonna shoot me a squirrel, but I figured I'd let it fatten up a bit 'fore I git on to shootin and eatin it.

I see why people despise Dook...

2010-04-06T00:10:00.005-06:00

I have to admit, I was conflicted as the NCAA tournament brackets were announced. I was for many years an avid and extremely outspoken Duke fan and supporter. I loved the way they played team offense, the way they played team defense, how Coach K had class on and off the court. But it all changed a couple of years ago as I was forced to see the changes that were happening to Duke and it's program, not to mention the game of college basketball in general...

The Blue Devils left their unique sets of offenses and went to a dribble, dribble, dribble, then dribble again offense, which featured the individual and not the team, which featured no offense, only what the dribbler created. Bob Knight has to have disowned Coach K by now, allowing Duke to dribble the air out of the ball even though he was taught better under the tutelage of one of the most fundamental coaches in the history of the game.

Duke then focused less on fundamental defense and just tried to make the big plays instead of all the small things. It was either get a steal, take a charge, or give up points. Not the hard-nosed defense that made the offense use the whole shot clock to get up an average shot.

And the last straw, being a coach myself, I couldn't watch Coach K sit and cry at the officials the whole game. THE WHOLE GAME. Yeah, people say he has class, but shouldn't he have class on the court as well? I hate coaching against guys who scream at the official the whole game as it takes away from what's happening on the court. Seriously, pick your moments, and focus on your kids instead of the officials. Take a lesson from a coach with class, Brad Stevens of Butler.

I had always heard the Duke detractors saying that Duke got all the calls, and I didn't care that they were right because Duke was my team, and I like my team getting all the calls. But it was true. And this past year I finally stood up and renounced Duke, which I'm sure would be like Tom Cruise renouncing Scientology, not likely and hard to do as it would involve a massive amount of crow-eating.

So when Duke got put in the easiest bracket in the history of the NCAA, I had a little regression of heart and contemplated bandwagonning Duke because it was a shoe-in for them to make it the the Final Four. I could pretend to be happy and cheer for a winning team to be tied to a winning program (which meant I was a winner too, right?), or I could stand my principles and cheer for the teams that deserved credit, that fought through adversity, and teams that would possibly fail because of the difficult path they faced. I chose principles because, I mean, come on... The committee must have a man-crush on Coach K, or the Duke boosters must have bought the committee a night at Scores or some other like-wise sleezy strip joint. Maybe Coach K blackmailed them, I don't know, but how does the top seed (Kansas) not get the winner of the play-in game, which is supposed to be the weakest team in the field? And Kansas had murders row to play through, the toughest bracket by far... and I don't even like Kansas and I can see this?!

The truth is that the college game is ruined. Coach K sold out on his beliefs in order to follow the crowd and trends of the new AAU-college-individual-glory game. It's the reason Bob Knight doesn't coach anymore, the NCAA is trying to be the NBA, allowing kids to travel instead of pivot properly. All tournament long I watched officials make horrible calls against the underdogs to try and salvage face for the committee and the NCAA. Promoting "stars" that are only in college for one year, and just because they had to come and play for one year because the NBA won't let them jump from high school, John Wall. Promoting coaches who cheat and have been caught cheating, Calipari and Huggins, to get players who cheated, Derrick Rose and John Wall.

I will find a new past-time, I'm guessing it will be at the Mid-Major tournaments, NAIA's, and NWAACC's of the basketball world. As for now, I find solace in the few teams like Butler, who play together, who defend as if their life depends on it, and who show that a team will always be greater than the individual in what is supposed to be ante-professional basketball with a goal of team college glory instead of an individual's self-serving path to the professional NBA. A Butler team with no nationally recruited players, let's be honest, Duke's 12th man and all of Duke's red-shirts were more highly recruited than Butler's best players, Hayward or Mack. I imagine Duke's waterboy, towel boy, and floor sweeper were more highly recruited than Mack as a basketball player.

This is a Duke team with 8 McDonald's All-American's, and honestly, shouldn't Duke, UNC, Kentucky, and the big-name schools be considered failures for not being in the Final Four every year for the amount of talent they amass? The wasted potential and under-achievement baffles me when these big-name school's recruit the best talent in the high school world and do not make it to at least the Elite 8 every year. Look at UNC this year, all that talent and didn't even make the tournament? That is the equivalent to having the answers to an exam, the professor telling you the answers during the test, and still walking out with a giant "F" tattooed on your paper. Not only getting a failing grade, but getting paid millions by the institution to fail that year, even with the answers in hand.

This is why I cannot support Dook and the Dook's that are ruining the college game that I grew up loving and emmulating. The college game used to be basketball at it's most pure level, kids and a coach in it for each other... to be honest, I don't know if there is any pure basketball left at any level as they all seek to be the replica of the level directly situated above the other, leading to the travesty of unpurity in basketball, the NBA.

March Madness SLC!!!

2010-03-28T12:38:00.005-06:00

First of all, yes, I was standing in a hole in the sidewalk. Anyway, my Dad and I went to Salt Lake City to watch the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 teams in that region, which happened to be 1- Syracuse, 5- Butler, 2- Kansas State, and 6- Xavier. It was amazing, I'm guessing it was historic for the college game of basketball. The first matchup had Butler beating a Cuse team that most people had picked to win it after Kansas lost, and Butler out played Cuse. The crowd wasn't behind the underdog in that one though, I couldn't figure it out, but I was, and it was great to see the mid-major pull off the huge upset.
Our second game on the first night was Xavier and KSU, both teams had lightning quick guards and between the four guards (2 on each team) there were 110 points put up. It went to overtime with KSU up 3 but fouling on a 3pt shot, so they hit 3 free-throws to tie it up. Then in the overtime, Xavier hit a 30' three to send it to a double overtime where KSU eventually won out. It had to be the best game of the tourney, not to mention that one of Xavier's guards, Crawford, had 30pts and last year dunked on LeBron James. That kid had a great year.
The next day we hung out and went up to Park City, and also ate at the Red Iguana, it's a Mexican restaurant that had rave reviews on the Food Network. It was pretty dang good, the atmosphere was fun, and it was packed in both locations.

For our final game, we watch Butler dismantle KSU, Butler is by far the best defensive team I have seen this year, or maybe even in a few years. The place was going crazy the whole time, it was incredible. After the game, we went with Clarke, Greg, Mike and his wife, and Tyler and his dad to the Red Rock Brewery to eat some food and reminisce of good times and catch up on how everyone is. It was good to see them all together and have some laughs and watch the beginning of the demise of Kentucky on the TV's there.

This has been the best March I have ever been a part of, and which is also why March is always my favorite month of the year. We couldn't have asked for better games and a better time. Thanks Dad!

And Happy 4th Birthday, Aves!

I'm a horrible person.

2010-03-20T00:00:00.006-06:00

Okay, so Buford did have a tumor wrapped around his optical nerve and the surgery went well. But looking at my poor guy, he's a tough muther cuz he hasn't complained and seems to be in good spirits despite the fact that he looks like the pet of Jason Voorhees. His appetite is good, but his surgical area is an absolute disaster and I know he's gotta be in some serious pain.

Geez. I can't look at Biff and not feel like the worst person, he's got to be wondering what the stuff is keeping his eye closed (not knowing it's gone) and it's gotta hurt considering he's only on an anti-inflammatory. He's only about a year old, so hopefully he'll adapt well. Geez.

Buford...

2010-03-17T23:46:00.004-06:00

We had taken Buford (aka Biff) to the vet a couple of weeks ago because he had what looked to be a nasty eye infection in his left eye. So we got some eye-drops from the vet and they helped a little bit, but he never got any better and continued to look as though he lost a boxing match to Mike Tyson circa 1988. His third eyelid covered most of his eye and it was really swollen around the eye in general, and since it didn't heal, Melissa took Biff back into the vet today to see if there was some other antibiotics they could prescribe for him.

Well, it isn't good. They did blood work and it all came back to be really good, which means it's not an infection, but something different and worse than an infection. His eye is "bulging" now, and is completely dilated so it's a lot worse than it was, and it's gotten worse very quickly from what the Vet says. Meaning, there is something putting pressure on the back of his eye and pinching his optic nerve, like a tumor or something of the sort. In the below picture on the right, you can see his third eyelid (it comes from the inside corner of the eye, like a flap of skin) covering most of his eye.

Our options consisted of driving him to Sun Valley for a cat MRI so they could see the tumor, taking him to Salt Lake to a cat eye specialist so they could tell me that his eye is messed up, or having our vet take out his eye and scrape what he can of the tumor out. And we went with our Vet doing surgery tomorrow, which I'm not happy in the slightest to have to have done.

I gotta just say that this is complete $#@&^#*% for Buford. He's such a nice cat, he's like the anti-cat in that he's friendly and doesn't think the sun sets on his butt and is completely unpretentious. He's so patient and good, I feel so bad for him and it's not fair to have such a good, young cat (10 months old) have to lose half of his vision. It's not like me to get emotional about a cat, but I can't help but feel like a complete failure as an owner and steward for him, the only un-catly cat in the history of the universe.

Anyway, I trust our vet, he's a good guy. He says it will take some time for Biff to adjust to his new reality, but he should be just fine after a while. They will sew the eyelid shut after they remove the eye, and the sutures will have to stay in for a couple of weeks. The one and only small benefit for Biff... he'll be in the house and away from the unholy terrors that inhabit the home next to us. I swear, (more than I should) those kids next door are the first-borns to Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy, those little bastages probably caused Buford condition by causing him to form a stress related tumor. Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be serial killers. Or cat abusers.

Anyway, I'll post some pics of his eye after the surgery and as he heals...

311 Day in Vegas

2010-03-13T18:33:00.009-07:00

Freeze Time by 311 at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas... INCREDIBLE! Watch this clip or you're goat-licker.

Samuel and I went to 311 Day in Las Vegas, they have a massive concert every two years and it's on March 11, appropriately. The concert in and of itself was amazing, nothing less than the gold standard of 311-ness. The Mandalay Bay had a huge arena, it held close to 12,000 screaming 311 fans. And the band, wow, great set list to play, full of rarities and the classics. I mean, they even played "Slinky." SLINKY. Yeah, it was that good of a time, and I can't wait to see them play again this summer in SLC.

While we were at the concert, I had the "opportunity" to undertake a field-study of what happens to guys when they drink at a concert, not that I had any choice in the matter. The 4 subjects sat right in front of me and Samuel and provided the fodder from which I derived my study. I will type the summary of what I hypothesized:

- Buzzed- After a drink or two, the subjects became buzzed, which meant they were in control of themselves, but beyond the normal means of being hyper. Screaming in each other's faces to "psyche" themselves up seemed to be the means of communicating. Having a beer in their hand also seems to give them something to do with that hand while dancing, as they would not know how to dance using the said hand, if it were empty. The other hand in this process rocks with the "horns" to the flow of the music.

- Beginning Drunk- This is where the subjects exhibit the first of their incredibly annoying antics, acting like a mime. Yes, a mute mime. They feel that to most effectively show how into the music they are, that they must act out the lyrics to the songs with their hands. This includes gestures of pointing, pretending to drink from an imaginary beer bottle even though their real beer is in their other hand, and waving their hands like they are a belly-dancer trying to seduce the Sultan of San Fransisco... it was quite a spectacle to watch four men in their 20's do. Towards the end of this phase in drinking, the subjects get about 40 decibels louder when they communicate.

- Officially Drunk- Being officially drunk at a rock concert commences the time to express deep-welling love. For everyone. For everything. They have big long hugs and hold nothing back in expressing how much they love their friend, NO REALLY, I MEAN IT, I LOVE YOU MAN. For professed "straight" men, this is where their homosexual tendencies begin to show, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm sure their wife/girlfriend would probably need to know this. When a friend brings back another beer for one of the subjects, this prompts the longest "I love you" speech I may have ever heard.

This is also the phase where every song played is "my song." "Hey, THIS IS MY SONG!" Followed by screaming like a 4 year old girl in the Dora-the-Explorer Factory Outlet. The subjects also lose all rhythm to their dancing, as it becomes more like poorly controlled seizures and hand-swinging than a controlled dancing motion. Elaine from Seinfield comes to mind at this type of body movement.

- Sloshed- Barely on the brink of consciousness, the subjects hold the railing in front of them and nod their heads up and down, albeit, not to any sort of beat or rhythm. Occasionally, one will try and prove his "manliness" and stand up and scream something not understand, and violently seizure what I'm sure must be wasted dancing. This ceases as the subject loses balance and falls over, to get up and act like nothing happened. Every 5 minutes, two or more of the subjects will leave to visit the urinal. Incoherent babble and leaving the facilities like that of a comatose zombie ends my observation of the subjects.

Just to go along with my little study, one of the dudes in front of us had a fat-roll in the back of his head. And no matter what angle he held his head, it looked like he had a rolled up newspaper under the skin on the back of his dome. It didn't help that he had a military hair cut to pronounce his tumorous looking fat-log. As sad as it is, I think he added two pounds to his head fat that night to add to his girth-roll, although I'm sure it was just water-weight from beer intake.

My next study will have to be the 50-something-year-old ladies next to me. Think Stiffler's mom, or Janine from the movie "Click." I about fell over dead in a fit of girlish giggles as she took a puff of a giant roach, trying to "fit in." It was hilariously sad, and very scary at times as well.

Anyway, we spent our time hanging out on the Strip, checking out all the stores and hotels. We even hit up the pound, LIED, to see if we could find a little dog for a friend. Alas, they had a day waiting period so he will have to find his own dog, I wasn't about spending an extra day in sloppy-drunk-city. He'll find a different place to get a dog, though hopefully from an animal rescue or pound. Anyway, here's a couple of pics from our travels:

The first is Samuel, with our hotel Excalibur in the background. The one on the right is Samuel with New York New York behind him. I'm not going to lie, besides the 311 concert, the highlight of my trip was going to the 2 story Coca-Cola store. Seriously, if they would have had a Coke waterfall, I would have jumped in and drowned happy. And I'm grateful that Samuel is now old enough not to talk to the vagrants and beggars on the streets and not take things that they hand out (LIKE CD's IN NEW ORLEANS), as I'm sure he would have ended up with enough porn cards to start an adult store.

It was great to see 311, they announced that they will tour this summer with The Offspring, which is going to be fun to see. But lets be honest here, had they announced that they were going to be touring this summer with Frankie the Peruvian Flutist and the Percussionist Bolivian Buttslappers, I still would go... just maybe an hour later.

Well, I already have fuel for my next post, but until then: Jackpot.

That Darn Cat...

2010-02-21T00:04:00.003-07:00

Yeah, this is another reason I will more than likely be driving the bus to Hell... Buford had an eye infection and we had to take him to the vet. He's fine just has an infection, vet tells me to wash him and the other cat off and clean out their litter. It's all good washing Buford, but Omaha is an extremely angry cat, and there's no way I'm going to subject Melissa or myself to her wrath. So she got duct taped and it went just fine, she's clean and no harm to anything but her pride. I just felt like a big jerk, and Omaha will now start planning her revenge.

You Get Worked

2010-02-06T20:53:00.006-07:00

Do you know what this crack/meth house reminds me of? Mobilhoma? Our teams had a game on the road last night versus Blackfoot, and it was exactly what I've come to expect of the town. As the half was coming to a end in the JV game, one of our kids stole the ball from a Blackfoot player and got pushed out of bounds, with about 3 seconds left. So I looked up to check the time, but the clock kept running until there was only 0.4 seconds. It was supposed to be our ball under our hoop with 3 seconds left, but NOOOOOOOOO. I called the ref over, and he promptly said that it was the timer/scorekeeper's job to monitor that. To which I asked, "then what is your job?" and I got a very nasty look from him. So he asked the timer lady, who lied to his face and said she stopped it. He asked the Blackfoot score keeper, and the score keeper said the same thing. He said, "you're sure?" to which they both said that absolutely no extra time had run off the clock.

This aggravated me quite a bit, to the point that I calmly asked the scorer's table, "Your integrity is worth 2 seconds?" My reply from them was two icy stares, and a bunch of low-IQ hillbillies screaming from the Blackfoot crowd about how I should shut up and how stupid I am, and how I should sit down and blah blah blah ignorant Blackfoot fans yelling like a mongrel horde of fat chicks who just found out that McDonald's just ran out of Big Macs and diet Coke. I just can't believe that someone would blatantly lie about 2 seconds, but I should have known better than to be surprised about it, I knew where I was. Now, I'm not asking OSHA or FEMA to come and run an investigation, as they would have to condemn the whole town and burn it to the ground. Hmmm. Maybe I will have to write a letter OSHA or FEMA to investigate then.

Our JV ended up destroying the Bronco's in the second half. And the best thing was the official told me that he "blew that call" because his wife in the stands came down at half-time and told him there was at least 4 seconds on the clock and it kept running. I respect him for being honest with me, I don't expect officials to always get the calls right, I just expect them to try- be honest if they didn't see it or missed it. Props to that official, who obviously wasn't from Blackfoot.

The other thing that baffled me last night, and has for the past year and a half, is that Blackfoot doesn't play their best player. He's a little point guard, he torched us when we was a sophomore, he averaged close to 28 points a game against us, all 5 times. The kid flat out beat us by himself. And when his teammates would talk trash to me or my players, he wouldn't say a word, he didn't play dirty, he showed class. He's got to be one of the best JV players I have ever seen, and he's always been very respectful to me and I respect him more than any opponent I've ever coached against. But as a junior, he didn't get to play, he just sat the bench. Same with this year, just sits the bench. I wish he'd have transferred to Rigby two years ago, it would be a guaranteed state title for us.

As I sat on the bench during the varsity game thinking about just that, we blew open the game and had a 20 point lead. I guess Blackfoot gave up, and they put in that kid. And he scored 5 points quickly, made some tough defensive plays, and got his team back within 9 points. So what happened next? Their coach took him out. And we proceeded to roll them the rest of the game. What did I learn last night? I learned the reason the kid doesn't play: he has class. I feel for the kid.

Anyway, here's to you Blackfoot. May you continue to spill your filth on yourselves. And God be with those who live there that are above the filth, I pray they will find the means to move away from there.

Oh, and I learned that a microwave + tootsie rolls = hilarious fun. I left some microwaved goodness on Carly's pillow a little while ago, I don't know why this activates the humor/laughter part of my brain, but it does.

Saint Avery, Growler Pansy...

2010-02-04T22:30:00.003-07:00

This is what I do when I come home every day, and a lot of the time that I'm home. Avery is fun to play fight with and he always wants to play, no matter if I'm sick or if he's tired. The past week I've been sick with the flu and he's been up in my infirmed grill waiting to play. He even tried to get Melissa to fight with him but she's not as enthusiastic as he'd like, so he then moved on to Lexah, who promptly growled and snapped at him. He's a funny dog. And he sounds so vicious, when we first got him we didn't know that he was playing when he growled like that and we were thinking he was aggressive. Little did we know that he's so gentle that even kittens dominate him like he's Jose Canseco in an MMA fight. I actually look forward to play fighting with him and being rowdy enough to make Melissa and Lexah irritated at us.

A little later, I pulled up some screaming cats on my computer and I think he was trying to figure out where they came from so he knew which direction to run in order to get away. He'll sleep with an eye open tonight looking for the "mattress tigers" that randomly howl from the bed.

Seriously? No really, SERIOUSLY?!

2010-01-20T23:34:00.004-07:00

Okay, so the family of roving trailer park Gypsies has returned, and they dug out their land barge and moved it to another spot. No wait, to two more spots. Seriously, what is this dumbassery? I can't even fathom what inspires their actions and why they need to two places to park the SS Econovan. Really, I know it's a massive land vessel, but it really will fit in-between the yellow lines. I am out of hateful ideas.

I've asked that they move it, and "oh, we will" means that they're too busy arranging the trash and dog shee in the yard to better fit their Jackson Pollack ideal of garbage feng shui to pull the keys out of their hillbilly overalls to move their largest piece of trash to its rightful docking station, otherwise known as a "parking space." What a concept, a space in which to put a vehicle so that complete entropy of parked cars doesn't ensue. Following accepted social norms and values so your neighbors don't absolutely loathe you wish for the abrupt termination of your government welfare check so that you'd have to get a job (or sue McDonald's because they didn't make a coffee cup for illiterate degenerates and you happened to receive slight burns when you spilled it on yourself because you were driving, talking on the cell phone, and head banging to AM radio all at once) and live in a different house (ie see trailer park) far, far away where such norms are accepted and surprisingly valued. And the Carnival Cruisliner of a van hasn't moved in a week...

I'm buying a "Go Away" doormat and putting it in the middle of the sidewalk. Aw screw it, they'll think I'm telling that to myself. I'll save some money and use a method they might comprehend: sidewalk chalk, spray paint, and the child protection agency... if only that would help...

Smackdown: Aves v. Lexah

2010-01-17T21:56:00.004-07:00

Avery and Lexah, like most siblings, do tend to get a bit grouchy with each other once in a while. Today, Lexah wasn't all too pleased to have Aves try and steal her toy, so she lit into him. Sadly, I missed the majority of the fight, but I caught the tail-end which was still pretty funny. I was, however, part of the wounded in action, as Aves got a little over zealous and nipped my arm. For this he'll pay, he's getting a bath muy pronto.
In the second video, they have a standoff, Lexah had the toy first and wasn't about to give it up... this seriously lasted 5 minutes, notice the sweet punch Aves throws in the first seconds of the video... Alas, Aves is the bigger pansy of the two and gives up eventually. I need to find them some fun things to do, how sad is it that they are so starved for something to do that they fight over a plastic toy for 5 minutes?

I live in a trailer court without trailers...

2010-01-02T20:56:00.006-07:00

I cannot figure out why my neighbors insist on trying to turn our nice town home neighborhood into a run-down trailer court. Not that I have anything against trailer houses, but they have their community, and there is a caste system or hierarchy to where you place your type of abode and how you treat your neighborhood. I would live in a trailer house and not think twice, but I wouldn't put my trailer house in the middle of a group of Mediterranean homes, as it OBVIOUSLY wouldn't fit in.

First of all, you don't put your stupid, garbage looking satellite dish on a tripod on my property. Yes, it's on a tripod. Seriously, WTF? Don't put it behind your stupid townhouse, don't put it up on the roof in the back, put it right out on the side so everyone can see it and think that I'm the idiot that put a dish on a TRIPOD. The lawn crew came mow the grass and Jorge the lawnmower asked me who the stupid moron was that put a dish on a tripod right in the middle of the lawn. Jorge doesn't even know English, he didn't have to. He looked at the tripod, he looked at me, he shook his head. Dammit Jorge, it wasn't me, it was my flamer neighbors!

Second, your garbage and garbage bags go in a dumpster, which is 100 feet from your trailer-townhouse. Not out front on your porch for weeks on end. "Hi everyone, welcome to my house, notice how we've decorated our porch with literal trash? It's lovely." Oh, and your stupid dog that craps all over my lawn isn't my dog and I will punt your dog in front of your face the next time I see it. I'm gonna go all NFL on your dog and try to kick that ugly rat-mop-skeletor looking thing into the upper stratosphere or into Jerry Jones' megatron. And my cat has nightmares of your kids screaming in her face, pulling her tail, and poking her with sticks. My cat hates me because of you, my cat hates living because of you. I swear I saw her try and drown herself in her own water bowl when I tried to put her outside last week. You filthy cat suicide inducers.

What finally does it for me though: you parked your stupid hobo van on 2 spaces in the parking lot, and decided that you were going to leave it there while you left on vacation. I don't know why you didn't take your vagrant van and sleep in the RV looking behemoth with your crap-filled goat-faced dog and anti-social borderline personality devil children. But you didn't, you left it in MY parking space, and for that you will now pay. I hope it snows 4 feet daily. I hope Hell freezes over, cuz I'm there right now. And when you get that blimp out, I'm taking that snow and burying that dish, which is on MY property, on a TRIPOD. And after you realize you can't watch Oprah or whatever it is that you gutter dwellers watch and dig out your frickin tripod, I'm going to bury your front door and pray it confuses you and your family enough that you'll decide to hibernate for the winter. And when the snow melts, I'm selling my house to some poor sucker and giving you the bird on the way out. With both hands. I've tried to be nice and ignore it all, but alas, no more. Thank you for bringing the trailer trash style to my neighborhood and inflicting/forcing it on me, you freaking filthy, hobo mongers.

Notice the tripod behind the car mirror. Freaking lushes. Seriously, who does that? Filthy trailer-dwelling inconsiderate hobos. That's who.

There isn't a death painful enough...

2009-11-27T23:44:00.006-07:00

Fred Vanore Snuggie Retail 30 Sec Collegiate Blue Moon Studios @ Yahoo! Video

I'm so sick of the frickin' Snuggie. I turn on ESPN to watch some football or college hoops and I'm inevitably assaulted by the normal run of commercials every four minutes, which has grown to be fairly standard for sports viewing. Then I see the ad for the Snuggie come on the TV and I think, "that looks kinda nice" and I go about my normal TV viewing habits of ignoring the commercials while I check my fantasy football teams. Well, during one game of college basketball, Duke vs. Ucon, I was maliciously eye-raped by the Snuggie commercial at least 500 times. I would file a complaint with the police department, but the sheer nastiness of the violation to my eyes is far too embarrassing to speak of out loud with another person. How could I bring this to the light of the police as it would destroy what was left of my dignity to an irreparable state. This brings me to my critique of the commercial itself...

Who on God's green earth still raises the roof? It's 2009, I'm willing to venture that "raising the roof" has been dead for over a decade, but yet the reetaahds in this commercials still find it valid to do. I seriously think I would punch someone in the face if they did that in front of me, as this furthers the racist stereotype that white people cant dance and have no rhythm and generally look like stiff smiling morons from Pleasantville. Who all happen to own a blind poodle that wears glasses and a Snuggie.

"Hey guys, it's 88 degrees outside, I'm going to wear a frickin snuggie to the game and raise the roof to show my support. Doesn't that sound swell?!" No, no it doesn't. Shut up. I hate you. I will start your frickin' Snuggie on fire so you would have a reason to raise the roof, as it would then be on proverbial and literal fire. As quoted from the Bloodhound Gang, "We don't need no water let the .... burn." That's right, burn the frickin' Snuggies down.

Now, I used to think a Snuggie would be a nice thing to have in the house, I even have sold some Snuggies to some nice little old ladies at the pharmacy... And I hope they still enjoy it and have not been eye-defiled by these execrable commercials. To be maliciously bombarded by this inane commercial and endorsement of idiocracy is ludicrous and it should be criminally prosecuted as a felony. Seriously, what did the CEO's of Snuggie Inc decide to do with their profits?

CEO #1- "Hey guys, I'm tired of rolling around in this giant mountain of hundred dollar bills, maybe we should put it to work." (hikes up pants past belly button, two inches above socks also)
CEO #2- "You know what? I hate sports. I was a nerd in high school and have a vendetta against anyone that enjoys any sport of any sort. We should find a way to make them pay for having a life and for making fun of my pocket protector." (pushes his taped glasses back up his pointy nose)
CEO #3- "Lets make a commercial of how we party in our snuggies, with actors of course, and subject the people of normalcy to being eye-raped repeatedly by our painfully stupid ads on ESPN. Let's put it on every frickin' commercial break that ESPN has." (tries to pat down three inch cowlick on back of head)
CEO #1- "This will take all our profits, and I like it! What better way to spend money than destroying the TV viewing of normal human beings. We're all a-holes, so that's what we're going to do!" (uses inhaler)

To the corporation of the heinous Snuggie, I couldn't think of a death that would be suitable for having to watch your Snuggie smut. I have had to resort to watching FSN and for that there is nothing I can think of but justifiable violence, and that is what I wish upon you.

First Snow of the Year!

2009-11-22T22:56:00.003-07:00

We had our first real snow storm of the year, and I've decided that AWD still doesn't compare to the supreme land barge power of the 96 Grand Prix... but it'll be nice once I get used to having all four wheels going at once. I took the dogs to my parents to let them run around in the snow, and Lexah was done the second her first paw touched it. Aves had generally the same opinion of the snow and I guess he decided to display his displeasure.

You know, I had planned to shoot some fun video with Avery ripping around in the snow and having cute fun, but he had to go and ruin it for me. Butthead.

Speaking of buttheads, we gave Buford, aka Biff, aka Buttford, a bath because he was disgusting. Bathing cats is never pleasant, but he took it well and just has a good disposition in general.

And that's enough for now.

Yay for Butt Soup!!

2009-11-08T18:43:00.005-07:00

I believe I have accomplished something incredible and almost unbelievable... I have managed to re-create a soup that closely resembles the Tortilla soup from Tortuga's Cantina in Houston, Texas. A few will understand the importance of this, but for those that don't, I will explain.

In Houston, there are a few Tortuga's, and while on my mission in 2000, Chad Sturgill and I went to eat there for the first time, it was located on 1960 in Copperfield. I was safe and ordered some enchillada or something and Sturgill had the tortilla soup for reasons unknown. When his soup came out, we both about gagged cuz it looked and smelled like butt. I dared him to take a bite, and he eventually did... and the rest is history, the best soup I have ever eaten.

Now, mine might not look like the authentic butt soup, but it smells and tastes pretty dang close. I'm immensly proud of myself, I would liken it to winning the tortilla soup lottery. I wanted to share my victory. I think Sturgill and Jared Nelson would approve.

Here's a couple of pic's of our idiot kids:

Bat Attack! Look out for Manu Ginobli, Lexah!

And Saint Avery... with is pink toy... fitting.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T21:24:00.011-06:00

My day consisted of dealing drugs in Rexburg and Idaho Falls, and when I got home we took some pics of our "kids" in different costumes that we had picked up on clearance sales the year before. Lexah is a good sport about it and doesn't really care too much, but Aves is a butthead and apparantly has some semblance of pride and the ability to feel dumb when he looks dumb.

I'll put some more pics of our idiots at the end of the post. To come back to the cousin of the Giving Tree, the Stupid A-hole Attacking Tree, I learned from my Dad that its a chesnut tree. (My hippie Biology teach told me they are "buckeye's"... Now I understand what the Ohio State mascot is, a spikey tree grenade. Not sure why they're colors are red and grey, not green and brown, but I don't think they're as stupid anymore.) Back to my Dad though, so I guess he and his classmates used to wing those things at each other, with some even sticking in the back of kids who got drilled. He said it's a miracle that no one lost an eye. I say its a testament of how soft and weak kids are today... I remember the times me and my friends would throw blackcat firecrackers at each other or drill each other with Roman Candles. And I just randomly remembered something strange and scary...

When we first moved to Sugar, I was a 4th grader and Pace was in 2nd grade. We went over to Jess Butikofer's house and Jess was put in charge of entertaining Pace and I. We went out back and Jess brought his bow and arrows with him. We shot a few arrows in the dirt, then decided it would be cool to shoot them straight up in the air. Luckily, nothing happened and we thought it was really cool to see how they landed close to us. But I think of it now and shake my head at what a dufus I was. I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, I just felt like typing it.

Anyway, the three things I'm going to end this post with are:

-Happy 3-11 Day in Vegas this year... got tickets this morning, Samuel had better work on Mom so she'll let him go, but if he can't it just means I can actually hit the casinos... So it will save me money if Samuel comes.
- I had a dream that I could make the most awesome car in the history of cars. An 80's Ford Taurus Wagon on a monster truck frame. And then I woke up and it was on craigslist in Rigby. I just see this picture and start giggling like a little girl cuz I don't understand and it's so ridiculously funny:
I'm sure someone is very happy to own this car, and I hope I never meet them after I've made so much fun of them, but I hope I see it driving around so I can point and laugh.
- The last thing, Happy Halloween! (See more pics of ridiulous looking dogs...)

I have angered nature, or so it seems...

2009-10-21T23:59:00.007-06:00

Seriously, can anyone tell me what the %$#@ this thing is?

I'd love to know... and I'll tell you why in my little story to come: So I'm running a couple of minutes late to class, because it's in outer BFE, also known as Pocatello, which is a lovely one hour and fifteen minute drive to the armpit of Idaho and home of the polluting giant Simplot factory.

I dueled a couple of other cars for the last spot in the parking lot, and came out victorious and grateful I didn't have to park in Utah to walk to class from there. As I walked across campus, I decided it was much easier and faster the ignore the sidewalks and take a direct line to class. My walk took me under a nice leafy tree and at about that time I got hit in the back of the head by a sharp and heavy projectile. Which brings me to another question:

Why do I duck AFTER I get hit in the head? I know it's a natural reaction, but really, what good does that do after the fact?! Anyway, I angrily looked around to see who threw something at me cuz I was read to ditch class and pick up a felony battery charge against the perpetrator. But alas, I only saw an emo kid with the only apparent hint of anything remotely associated with athletic ability would be being able to get his fat arse in the 80's skinny chick pants. I'm sure that the only thing he was consentrating at the time was how long he could last without blood circulation to his legs... I digress...

After about 5 angry swearing-laced minutes of hatred towards anything and everything, I noticed a few things on the ground. They looked like the head of the Exorcist, except bright neon green. They were circular with a million sharp porcupine thingy's sticking out. And I came to the realization that one of those nasty bastages hit me. And sure enough, the tree was full of them and I just happened to walk under at the wrong time. There were some nut looking things on the ground that had come out of some of the attacking Exorcist spawns... I don't know what to google to figure it out either, flying green tree porcupines? Spiked round nut barers? Anyway, anyone that could shed some light on this anomaly of nature, I would appreciate it. And I've decided that I'm going to plant five of those trees at my next house and invite the Jehovah's over on a windy day... yeah, teach them to wake me up at 7am on a Saturday with their Lighthouse propaganda... Here's a couple more pics....

And here's one with my chapstick as a reference to the size and mass of the death ball...

Some more videos just for fun...

2009-10-18T18:17:00.003-06:00

Here's a video of my shower swimming dog, Lexah. This is also why we don't take her out in the rain.

And the next video is a WWE tag team match of Saint Avery and Lexah Lou vs. the vicious grey mountain lion, Pf. Yep, her name was Pf, pronounced pffffff. She's been adopted out to a nice family in Ririe, but not before some Smackdown.

I'm having quite a bit of fun with my Flip camera, so I'm sure there will be many more pointless and irrelevant videos that perhaps only I find entertaining, but it's my blog page so that's just the way it is.

Road Trip to Pocatello...

2009-10-17T22:27:00.004-06:00

We went to Pocatello today to watch Samuel play soccer against American Falls, it was a play-in game for going to the state tournament, and Samuel's team won 3-0! They all played well and it was actually a perfect day to be out and enjoying what I'm sure will be one of the last days of summer.

He's in blue, number 16. Yep, he's pretty damn fast.

We took the ding-dongs with us, and Lexah was actually well behaved on the way down and slept most of the way. We took them into the game and anytime one of the players would run by she'd growl and try to attack them... it was funny. Avery was bored and just flopped around on the ground, and towards the end of the game, the ball got kicked over to Melissa. One of the high school kids watching came running over to get the ball and I guess he surprised Aves and Lexah, as they both angrily tried to take him out... I think he was more scared of them than they were of him as they came running out from behind an umbrella to make him scream like a fat little girl at the Bon Bon factory. Wish I had film of that.

As you can see, Lexah is a little camera shy... She thinks it's going to take her little doggie soul. Anyway, it was a fun day to get out of Rexburg with the whole family, Grandma and Grandpa Frost even came. I guess this is what weekends are for when you don't have to work, I'll try not to get used to it as I know I wont have these so called "weekends" for some time to come. The only negative to come out of it all is that Lexah has an earache now, but I'm sure that's great news for the vet. At least I get the satisfaction of knowing that while she's at the vet, she'll try her hardest to bite him til they figure out they have to put the cat muzzle on her... Make them earn their check, this is for sure.

Apparently we're hippies...

2009-10-07T23:33:00.005-06:00

We made a new purchase... a Honda Element. I went to American Falls to look at a Mazda 3 and liked that car, but we (my Dad and Samuel) saw the Element and figured we'd drive it just for the heck of it... turns out that I really was impressed and couldn't decide between the two vehicles. After much deliberation, I determined two things: my head said the Mazda, my heart said the Element. And my Mom said the Mazda, so I finally chose the Mazda despite it not having cruise, or power anything. It was a good deal and I really didn't want my Mom mad at me and I know she's usually right about almost everything.

Well, I tell you what, it was about that time Samuel said the Mazda didn't have A/C... which we all scoffed at because what 2005 model of car doesn't come standard with A/C? Just for fun, Samuel and Dad went out and discovered that he was right, no A/C. This made my choice easy! The Element it was! The great thing is that it had a brand Honda engine and a brand new Honda transmission, so it's basically a new car.

I loved the functionality of it, it's massive on the inside and fun to drive. It's all wheel drive so that'll be nice in the winter and I'm very pleased about our purchase. I know it looks like a box, but I really don't care, I like it and it's a Honda... what more can I say?

The only drawback I have right now is that Avery doesn't so much like it... he doesn't know where to sit because it doesn't have a place for him in the back window. We'll have to figure out something for him, one of his great joys in life is riding in the back window of the car... we won't take that away from him, hippies or not.

Not so much ET, in with the Biff.

2009-09-29T00:26:00.004-06:00

Sooooo, Melissa hated my cat Ethyl. Maybe this picture will illustrate why:
Yeah, she called her the spawn of Satan, so it was a losing battle for me. Very sad, but she got a great new home with a hairless Mexican dog, I think it was called a Chinese Crested or something. So I guess it was a Chinese dog.

Well, since Melissa got rid of the coolest cat ever, we got another one so Omaha has a buddy to kick it with all day. Meet Buford Tannen, a former resident of the Rexburg pound.

Yeah, he's a pimp. Melissa actually chose him, he gave her a big old hug when we were looking at the cats at the pound, so he must be smart too... knows how to schmooze his way around. He's pretty laid back, has a real quiet meow, and has the coolest name of all time: Buford. He is no yellow-bellied pie slinger, this is for sure.

New Family Member, ET... Until the government chases her back to her planet

2009-09-08T22:08:00.004-06:00

We have added a new member to the family, Wuthel Ethyl Terrestrial. She's going to go by Ethyl, but I'll elaborate on the rest of her name: Her first name, Wuthel, derives from the question, "What the Hell?" Because that's what I said the first time I saw her. I wanted to name her WTF, but Melissa strongly vetoed me. Ethyl Terrestrial, or ET for short, comes from the movie, apparently she didn't have the minutes on her cell phone to phone home and she lives with us now. I'm going to buy a bicycle with a basket on the front just so I can ride around the neighborhood with her freaky ET head sticking out, scaring the bejeebus out of the neighbors.

Yep, she's a Sphynx. It's a hairless cat. So freaking cool, she feels like suede and has no hairballs! I can play with her and not have my allergies go haywire... she's a slinky bugger, really skinny and emaciated, but we'll see if we can fatten her up to a healthy weight.

I gotta say, I seriously about peed my pants the first time I saw her try to jump on the counter... She has apparently been de-clawed in her front paws, she jumped and couldn't quite hold on... Yes, my sense of humor is one of the many reasons I will be sitting on a hot coal in the after life.

The Wedding is OVER!!

2009-08-16T20:05:00.005-06:00

Well, it's about time, the wedding is over, no more planning and chick stuff... Life is back to good again. As I reflect on it all, I'm in awe and very humbled by the experience. To make a long story short, I had a bad few months and was wondering about people in general anymore. I had a lot of bad experiences, a car dealer literally stealing from me, a kid I felt bad for and befriended ended up being a prolific pedophile, some casual friends were more interested in pushing their pyramid scheme and selling me their get rich quick ideas than actually being my friend, and other experiences that lead me to question how many people truly had any integrity, honesty, and selflessness left.

I really must express my gratitude to those who have set me straight again, not by what they have said, but the example they are and the show of all the good that we as people possess and can possess... I had numerous friends make sacrifices to come to our wedding and/or reception. Storme and Amy drove from Salmon, Idaho all the way to Logan, Utah to be there in support of Melissa and I. Jared and Jesse took off work, took the time to drive from Salt Lake, and came even though they had taken the day before to be at another wedding. Roy (my boss) and Gayle drove down from Rexburg, he took one of his valuable days off to spend it with us. Brecon took the whole day to go to Utah with us and spend time with people he didn't know, to show support and be a witness at the marriage. My mission president, James Mayfield, even took the day to come down, in spite of a funeral for Sister Mayfield's aunt's funeral.

There are so many more, I can't even name them all, but I'm grateful for it all. The thing that gets to me the most, is that all of you, my most invaluable friends, you are that way all the time, it is who you are. My family, extended family, and grandparents are as well and I just didn't take the time to see all the good, positive, and exceptional that was in front of my face. I'm not an emotional person, well, not including anger and road rage anyway, but it really hit me hard, it humbled me completely and I feel overwhelmed by it all. You all took the time and energy to show support for Melissa and I. I know that y'all's lives are busy and chaotic, just as ours our, but you took the time to be there, and I can tell you that it wouldn't have been as special had you not been there.

I can't thank you all enough, for everything from your support to your examples over the years. I wouldn't be the person I am, any of the good I possess is a learned trait from my family and friends. I can't think of a better way for Melissa and I to kick off our life together that to be surrounded by our best friends and family. I can only hope to try and reciprocate to the small extent I am able, and Melissa and I are blessed and grateful to have you all in our life. Thank you for bringing it all in perspective to me, I know there are no finer people in the world than the friends and family in my life, and you all show that honesty, loyalty, integrity, and pure selfless love continues to exist and be strong. We love you all! (We'll post pics soon, when the photographer sends them up to us!)

Cousin Chico playing with Lexah

2009-07-29T23:41:00.007-06:00

Our Family

2009-07-04T21:42:00.006-06:00

Hayden and Melissa

Saint Avery and Lexah Lou

Alhiss O'Malley the Alley Cat
aka Mouse Slayer

Omaha Stylee
aka Couch Slayer